tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47881324287478379312024-02-02T07:42:19.360-08:00The Humanist AdopteeThe Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-46666017477468630352019-01-30T10:47:00.001-08:002019-01-30T10:47:38.218-08:00Triggers And Milestones In Adoption<p dir="ltr">There are many times in the life of an adopted person where the loss of adoption is stronger. </p>
<p dir="ltr">1. Birth - The loss of your mother at birth and subsequently any foster home you were placed in before adoption. You may not remember it, but your brain was wired with the loss.</p>
<p dir="ltr">2. The loss of growing up adopted. The lack of mirroring and fitting in. Even in the best of homes children face this loss.</p>
<p dir="ltr">3. The death of a grandparent. Realizing that you are not the descendant of that person and the rest of your cousins are.</p>
<p dir="ltr">4. The birth of a child. When adopted people have their own children it can be tremendously triggering. How could anyone give a baby away? When the child reaches the age that the adopted person was placed in their home they realize how much they would have missed their previous caretaker.</p>
<p dir="ltr">5. Biological family reunions. They can go well and the adopted person is sad on all the time they've missed out on. Or they can be rejected and the adopted person has to give up the fantasy that there is someone out there who loves them and wants them.</p>
<p dir="ltr">6. The death of a parent. When an adoptive parent dies it signifies the end of an adoption. Extended family may not continue the relationship with the adopted person. <br>
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The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-67209387792302148712018-11-27T18:57:00.001-08:002018-11-27T19:00:26.788-08:00Yes, I'm Ungrateful I Was Adopted<p dir="ltr">Yes, I am ungrateful. I was given a better 2-parent home with a chance for a better life. Instead of appreciating what I had, I constantly wondered who my family was and looked in the mirror wondering who I was. Instead of being thankful for the family I was placed in, I was jealous of all of my friends and people with their own "real" biological families. I was too young to know better. Too jealous to be grateful. I would lash out at my mother and tell her she wasn't my real mother. I searched for my real family as soon as I was able to. I was unable to live another day not knowing who they were. When when I met them I wanted to be with them all the time. I didn't dislike my adoptive family. I loved them very much, but I hurt so badly inside that I couldn't be grateful. I thought the whole world revolved around me and the mystery of who I was. Maybe I was an alien hybrid or the offspring of a very rich and famous person. <br>
I should have been grateful that my family helped me search and that they supported my reunion. I felt entitled that it was my family and had every right. I was not grateful for their acceptance of my desire. I wasn't grateful for the braces on my teeth and never having been without food or molested by horrible people. I was safe and loved, but all I could think of was the loneliness and hurt that I felt at the core of who I was. <br>
I was ungrateful for life that was taken away from me. But I could never see past the endless loss. </p>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-27411325434462241892017-12-17T07:40:00.001-08:002017-12-17T07:46:17.268-08:00Star Wars The Last Jedi Rey's Parents And The Effects Of Closed Adoption<p dir="ltr">(Only a minor spoiler here.  Reading this won't ruin the movie for you, but you will have a greater understanding when the part comes in the movie that is about to be discussed.)</p>
<p dir="ltr">There's a scene in "The Last Jedi" where Rey thinks she's about to find out her parents' identities. We see two silhouettes in front of her before they're reduced to one and Rey is staring back at herself.  This is very common in children raised in a closed adoption.  Staring at the mirror and wondering if you are an alien hybrid or related to someone famous.  Any person who is adopted can relate if they can remember a time when they didn't know any biological relatives.  The lack of mirroring is detrimental to the identity of the adopted person.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Many theories have come up on who Rey could be. She's a Kenobi. She's a Skywalker. Maybe the studio truly wanted to catch fans off guard by sending a message that anyone can be born Force sensitive.  This would explain all of the young lings at the temple and the little boy you see sweeping out the stables on Canto Prime.</p>
<p dir="ltr">One of the biggest questions fans had at the end of "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" was the identity of Rey.<br>
Viewers finally received some sort of answer in "The Last Jedi," but it wasn't really satisfying.  And like many adopted people when told who their parents were, hard to accept without proof.</p>
<p dir="ltr">(This is your last chance to head back before spoilers.)</p>
<p dir="ltr">Near the end of the film, Kylo Ren and Rey are speaking. Rey is consumed with learning the identity of her parents. Ben tells Rey that she knows the truth about her parents. She has known it all along. The problem? She doesn't want to accept the truth. Ben can see what she will not. Ben tells her that she's nobody. She came from nothing. Rey had filthy, poor parents on Jakku who sold her for drinking money. That's it. That's the big twist.</p>
<p dir="ltr">"They were filthy junk traders," Solo tells her. "You have no place in this story. You're nobody. He also says they're buried in pauper's graves. There is no more finding out. No more answers to her questions. Just nothing, pain and death. This happens a lot to adopted people who wait too long to search or are unable to because of current laws. A headstone, more questions and regret.</p>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-44706155478357606352017-10-05T17:20:00.001-07:002017-10-05T17:20:47.095-07:00The Endless River ( closed adoption )<p dir="ltr">Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young<br>
In a world of ignorance and secrets.<br>
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary<br>
The longing to return to our people had begun.</p>
<p dir="ltr">We would close our eyes at night and try to remember their faces <br>
Before the passage of time took our memories away<br>
Are they thinking about us too as we look out our windows<br>
From that better life consumed by slow decay</p>
<p dir="ltr">Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us<br>
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side<br>
Steps taken forwards but destroying it all again<br>
Dragged by the force of some inner tide</p>
<p dir="ltr">Encumbered forever by desire of acceptance<br>
There's a sadness still unsatisfied<br>
Our weary eyes still stray to that horizon<br>
Though down this road we've been so many times</p>
<p dir="ltr">The grass was greener<br>
The light was brighter<br>
The taste was sweeter<br>
The nights of wonder<br>
The dawn mist glowing<br>
The water flowing<br>
The endless river</p>
<p dir="ltr">Forever and ever</p>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-58525459659306157802017-09-13T07:38:00.001-07:002017-09-13T07:39:42.701-07:00You Know You're Adopted When <p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...people ask you if you would have rather been thrown in a dumpster.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...you have a childhood fantasy where you're part of a large family where all the siblings look alike AND look like the parents.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when birthdays and holidays suck.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...you can pretend you don't know your adoptive parents when out in public together.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...you always screw up your relationships for no good reason.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when a "family tree" assignment in school sucks.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...you're supposed to be interested in history class, but are not supposed to show interest in your own history.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...you see people's reaction once they hear your name</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...you have no newborn picture to compare to your kids.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...your parents can't tell you how big you were at birth or what time of day your were born at.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...perfect strangers tell you ought to be grateful you were 'taken in'.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when the only day you think your birth mother is thinking about you is your birthday...then you meet her and she asks when your birthday is again.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when your original family only thinks about you on occasion, but you are forced to think about them every time you look in the mirror.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you are adopted when family obituaries mention everyone but you and your children.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when...someone has to remind you who your REAL mother is</p>
<p dir="ltr">You know you're adopted when they call a man who abandons his child a dead beat dad, but a woman who gives away their child is a Saint.</p>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-3390677909719091842017-08-29T13:05:00.001-07:002017-08-30T06:55:30.244-07:00Not All Of Your Problems Come From Being Adopted <p dir="ltr">Sure some things like attachment disorders and PTSD are direct results of the adoption, but would you have had problems if you had never been adopted in first place?<br>
In order to answer these questions we would have to look at studies of twins who were separated at birth. People who are genetically the same, but exposed to different experiences and environmental conditions.</p>
<p dir="ltr"> A secret research project in the 1960s and '70s that separated identical twins as infants and followed their development in a one-of-a-kind experiment to assess the influence of nature vs. nurture in child development was done. In the 80s public opinion was so against the study that it wasn't published. The results of the study have been sealed until 2066 and given to an archive at Yale University. New laws went into place and guidelines that twins should not be separated out at birth and adopted to different families. </p>
<p dir="ltr">A study of 2 New York City twins separated at birth and unaware of each other showed that in nearly every respect, one's personality followed in lockstep with the other one in a less nurturing home. Thumb-sucking, nail-biting, blanket-clenching, and bed-wetting characterized both of their infancy and early childhood. One became a hypochondriac and, like the other was afraid of the dark and of being left alone. She, too, became lost in role-playing, and the artificial nature of her personality was, if anything, more pronounced than that of her twin. She had similar problems in school and with her peers. On the surface, she had a far closer relationship with her mother than the other did with hers, but on psychological tests she gave vent to a longing for maternal affection that was eerily the same as her identical sister's. One did seem to be more successful with her friends and less confused than the other, but she was also less connected to her feelings.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The differences between the girls, despite in their environments, seemed their pathology was fundamentally the same. Did their family lives mean so little? Were they destined to become the people they turned out to be because of some inherent genetic predisposition toward sadness and unreality? Maybe it is because they were both adopted. Maybe just being adopted causes low self esteem. Maybe not knowing another biological relative causes mental trama. Or maybe it is all genetics.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Genes can help explain why someone is gay or straight, religious or not, smart or not, and even whether they're likely to develop gum disease. </p>
<p dir="ltr">A 1986 study found that genetics plays a larger role on personality than previously thought. Environment affected personality when twins were raised apart, but not when they were raised together, the study suggested. Another study found that happiness and well-being had a 50 percent genetic influence.</p>
<p dir="ltr">In yet another study, researchers surveyed the separated twins about how close they felt to their newfound sibling. Among identical twins, 80 percent of those surveyed reported feeling closer and more familiar with their twin than they did to their best friends, suggesting a strong genetic component in the bond between identical twins.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Moreover, a study in 1990 found that genetics account for 50 percent of the religiosity among the population — in other words, both identical twins raised apart were more likely to be religious or to be not religious.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Using twins, and also data derived from adoption studies, scientists can now estimate what proportion of the variation in our intelligence, our personality, our behavior, and even seemingly random life events such as bankruptcy or the divorce of a spouse, might be caused by inherited tendencies. </p>
<p dir="ltr">OCD , Schizophrenia , Bi Polar, and Depression all have a strong genetic component. Depression is a huge and multi-faceted disorder with a really strong environmental component, but its genetic component is large.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Children who are adopted may be at elevated risk for mental health disorders, such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity, oppositional defiance, major depression and separation anxiety disorders, according to a wide body of research. There's also evidence to suggest that children adopted internationally could have much higher rates of fetal alcohol syndrome, autism and brain damage. The longer a child is institutionalized the more pronounced certain conditions may be.</p>
<p dir="ltr">A 2008 study comparing about 500 adopted and non-adopted children found that the odds of having an ADHD or oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis were approximately twice as high in adoptees compared with nonadoptees.<br>
But some of these studies include internatonal adopted children from deprived, neglected orphanages without proper care or education. With years of institutional damage , alcohol, drug exposure, developmental delays, neglect, abandonment the environment plays a much stronger role over the genetic predisposition of children. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The longer a child has been institutionalized increases the potential for behavioral and other problems. If a child is adopted earlier in his or her life, this reduces some of the risks. For most domestic infant adoptions these extreme environmental factors have much less to do with development. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So the big question is... Who would have had the better life ...you or non adopted you ? Would you have been the same person ? Unless you suffered extreme abuse the answer is... pretty much the same person. You'll never know for sure if the next family on the list of people to adopt you would have been the better life. You'll never know if you would have been a happier person in the life you are living now.  You can take comfort in the fact that you would be a similar person. You are not controlled or predestined by your genetics. You still have free will and every decision you make is your own. If you want to lose weight, you simply eat less. If you don't like your teeth you can have cosmetic dental work done. If you don't like certain people in your life, you don't have to talk to them. In reality there is very little we don't have control over.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Adoption is a part of the adopted person's life. Being adopted never goes away, but how you live your life is your own. Those who grew up adopted cannot undo their adoption. Maybe they can take comfort in the fact they would have turned out the same, but if a child turns out the same what's the point of adoption <u>i</u>f solely to give the child a better life.</p>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-75161592799609072872016-07-21T08:46:00.002-07:002016-07-21T09:14:15.486-07:00How To Find Your Birth Parents For FreeI am a retired police detective, but you don't need to be a detective. You don't need to pay anyone. Follow these steps and you will come full circle to find your own truth.<br />
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1. <b>Ask your Adoptive parents.</b> Get all the info you can. Paperwork, dates, everything. <br />
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2. <b>Contact the adoption agency.</b> There has to be a keeper of the records even if it no longer exists. Your mother may have left consent to contact you. They usually will contact her on your behalf.<br />
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3. <b>Get your original birth certificate</b>. Some states don't allow this. Go to the states vital record website and get the paperwork. Some counties allow you to look through birth records. You can figure out later which one is you.<br />
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4. <b>Create an ancestry.com account.</b> Everyone should have one regardless. Ancestry has millions of members now. Put your birth name as you, if known. If you have to put "unknown" in the mother and father slots do that. Add 18 years to your own birth date for your parents birth dates. If you have your mothers name put in what you know. Let Ancestry do the work for you. Log in the next day and you make have a new leaf. You don't need to pay for an account. Use a desktop computer and roll over the previews. You can get plenty of info free. <b>Make your adoptive family tree for practice</b>. Save your two week trial for DNA if you don't have a mother name or birth name. Remember "find a grave" results, the 1940 census and some other stuff is free. New leafs will pop up when you add new stuff. Make your spouse's tree or your kids. Basically to know what you are doing and how to use the hints and judge the accuracy of the search results.<br />
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5. <b>Send for an ancestry DNA kit.</b> You can later use your raw data results on <b>gedmatch.com</b> and find out if your parents were related ect. Once you get your dna you will have it forever... look at it as an investment. Look for coupons and sales on retailmenot and other sites. Sometimes it is free shipping, sometimes it is a discount. <b>If you don't have names this is what you <i>need </i>to do</b>. For less than 100 dollars you will find at least 100 4th cousins or closer. Be nice to them and they will help you. Look at their trees. Build your own off of theirs. Have a nice profile pic, your own private family tree. People will be more willing to help you if you are an active user. Wait until you get your DNA results if you have limited funds. Use your two week FREE trial then.<br />
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6. <b>Go to legacy.com</b> and search all of obituaries. Put your mothers maiden name in the keyword slot. If she was mentioned in her grandmother or mother's obit. ect. It will show up. <br />
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7. <b>Facebook.</b> You can create a page for your search and target advertise to people from her highschool year ect. You can also make a picture of your info and share it everywhere. Once you get a name look up facebook accounts. Only you can make the ID. You will know if people look like you or not. Ask friends who know you well. It can be hard to see the forest for the trees.<br />
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8. If you know the town, search in<b> historical newspaper archives</b>. Peekyou.com radaris and other <b>people search sites</b> might be helpful to if you have only a maiden name to give you birthdates and possible married names. Don't pay. A savvy searcher can get this info from collecting it from multiple sites.<br />
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9. <b>Adoption registries.</b> You can also look up how to<b> "google dork".</b> It will turn up info quicker. Put yourself on a registry just in case. You will have six weeks waiting for your ancestry DNA results to do all of this other stuff. Soundex and adoption.com are the big ones. <br />
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10. <b>Remember non ID info can be fictitious</b>. Adoption agencies had their own agendas to keep people from finding one another. Some info you believed was true about yourself may not be. It is also good to know your genetic make up from DNA results. If it is different than what you were told by the adoption agency, trust NONE of it. Most birth mothers don't know about leaving letters in the file and if the agency gives you no help it doesn't mean they are dead, never looked for you or don't want to be found.<br />
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Please remember to view my most popular post, <a href="http://humanistadoptee.blogspot.com/2013/12/13-reasons-why-adopted-children-are-not.html"><span style="font-size: x-small;">13-reasons-why-adopted-children-are-not lucky</span></a>. If you are new to the adoptee community you need to realize you aren't alone. You may face people who tell you to be grateful and leave well enough alone. Most adopted people have positive reunions. Those who do not are at least grateful not to live in ignorance, no matter how blissful.<br />
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</span>If you have additional search tips please leave them in the comment section to help other adopted people. If you are waiting to be found, don't wait. <b>Chances are no one is looking for you.</b> Doesn't mean they don't want to be found. The happiest relationships are amongst reunited siblings.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-77618732231879313772015-03-16T12:13:00.001-07:002015-03-16T12:13:47.273-07:007 Lies About AdoptionDespite the fact that adoption is a common practice in the United States and in much of the world today, not much research has been done on the outcome of it. There is much literature on who adopts children and on who relinquishes children for adoption because these studies were paid for by the adoption agencies. Many adoptions have favorable outcomes for the members of the adoption triad (birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees). Yet the number of adoptions by nonrelatives has declined sharply since 1970, and only a small minority of women who have been treated for infertility have ever sought to adopt. These facts suggest that adoption may still have a stigma attached to it. Further research could indicate whether such a stigma exists, and if so, what the causes and consequences of that stigma might be.<br />
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There is no official count of how many people are adopted, but it is estimated that 4 percent of Americans are and of those half are adopted by non-relatives. Most Americans asked have a personal connection to someone in the triad. Many people many not even know they are adopted or that a family member has given birth and immediately terminated parental rights. <br />
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1. <strong>Those kids don't turn out well.</strong> Adoptees are regular children who unfortunately had to be removed from their families. No matter what the reason for this, it is a trauma. Everyone processes things differently.<br />
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2. <strong>The birth mother should have kept her legs shut. </strong>Plenty of young people have sex before marriage. Most women don't end up getting pregnant, but those who do are not necessarily promiscuous. <br />
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3. <strong>Something is wrong with those people that they couldn't have their own kids. God doesn't want them to be parents. </strong>It doesn't matter<strong> </strong>what went wrong or what could have been done differently. Telling a woman she "waited too long" or a young person that they have "plenty of time" may not be correct. There’s a stigma that either God is punishing you for something you did or the opposite stigma that religious couples face, “You’re not praying hard enough.” Neither of these are true. Nor is it a divine calling to adopt. <br />
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4. <strong>They adopted a baby when there are plenty of older kids that need homes.</strong> There are thousands of children in the U.S. foster care who are legally free and currently waiting for an adoptive home. Everyone wants a kitten, but no one wants an older cat at the animal shelter. The main reason cited is the need for the animal to have only one true master or that the animal may be "damaged" from abuse. They want to see the first steps, hear the first word and be the only mother the baby ever knows.<br />
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5. <strong>Babies are blank slates. </strong>This idea was pushed 50 years ago, but widely discredited. Science proves people have significant “pre-programming” from genes that have some influence on almost every want, trait, feeling, thought, and action.<br />
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6. <strong>Their Birth mothers will come find them</strong>. For adoptive placements, very few birth parents reappear after their parental rights have been legally terminated. In the instances where children have continued relationships with birth relatives, it’s because the arrangement will be beneficial, safe, and healthy for all involved<br />
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7. <strong>Adopted kids shouldn't be told about their siblings. </strong>Sibling contact is almost always the best thing for them after being separated from their birth parents. It helps provide continuity and protects them from suffering additional loss.<br />
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Also read related <a href="http://humanistadoptee.blogspot.com/2013/12/13-reasons-why-adopted-children-are-not.html">13 Reasons Adopted Children Are Not Lucky</a>The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-43728725322576116532014-11-01T08:25:00.005-07:002014-11-01T08:25:55.185-07:00Adoptee - Definition Of An Adopted Child<div class="inner" id="msg_308074">
An ADOPTEE is a person who is systematically discriminated against within a state or other political jurisdiction, despite their nominal status as a citizen or legal resident there. While not necessarily slaves, outlaws or criminals, ADOPTEES have limited legal rights, civil rights and human rights, and are often subject to mistreatment or neglect at the hands of their putative superiors. Instead of being protected by the law, the law disregards ADOPTEES, or it may actually be used to control them. Systems with de facto second-class citizenry are generally regarded as violating human rights. Typical impediments facing ADOPTEES include, but are not limited to, disenfranchisement (a lack or loss of birth rights), limitations on access to Vital Records (not including birth certificate in every state), as well as restrictions on freedom of movement and association, identity and expression.<br /><br />The category is normally unofficial, governments will typically deny the existence of a ADOPTEE's second class status. As an informal category, is not objectively measured; however, cases such as the American South under segregation, apartheid in South Africa, Roman Catholics in Northern Ireland during the parliamentary era and the marginalization of other religious and ethnic minorities, women, men, non-custodial parents, low to mid income parents who cannot afford a lawyer and have their children taken away by Child Protective Services, LGBT people, and other minorities in many countries worldwide, have been historically described as having second-class citizenry.<br /><br />By contrast, a resident alien or foreign national may have limited rights within a jurisdiction (such as not being able to vote, and having to register with the government), but is also given the law's protection, and is usually accepted by the local population. A naturalized citizen carries essentially the same rights and responsibilities as any other citizen (a possible exception being ineligibility for certain public offices), and is also legally protected.</div>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-28945795950231658922014-10-22T07:30:00.001-07:002015-01-24T08:28:34.404-08:00Why Adult Adopted People Dislike AdoptionThere is a difference between a couple with their own biological children who adopt an older foster child and the infertile couple who adopt an infant. Adoption is first a loss for the mother and child. It should be always be used as a last resort and be open and honest. With most states not allowing adopted people to have access to their own birth certificates there is nothing to celebrate about adoption. Last year the Kay jewelry commercial received a huge backlash from the adoption community for showing an outdated view of adoption and was pulled from the air.<br />
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The latest commercial to cause controversy in the adoption community is the race for state Treasurer in Massachusetts. Candidate Deb Goldberg in her ad links adoption to “opportunity". What this has to do with equal pay, avoiding personal debt, college savings plans, ect is confusing.<br />
What it really has to do with is using the adoptive parent "sainthood" phenomena. Some people feel a religious calling. Adoption is not a way to repay a debt to society, a good deed, or a selfless act, but they feel in doing so that they gain an elevated status. "You are such a good person for taking in a child that is not your own and raising it to adulthood." Adoption has become an industry of finding healthy babies for paying couples instead of finding good homes for children who really need them.<br />
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Adopted voters in Massachusetts can only get a copy of their original birth certificate if they are 40 years or older (adopted person 18 years of age or older who was born in the commonwealth on or before July 17, 1974 or on or after January 1, 2008). Visit any adoption registry in the state and you will see thousands of entries of people looking. Why should someone born in June 1974 have more rights than someone born in August of 1974? Those voter's identities are quite literally a state secret. If you are an adopted adult under 40 years old in Massachusetts the only "opportunity" you get is second class citizen status. Adoption loss and the gross violation of human and civil rights that still occur in this country is not something to be exploited for political gain. One must consider the dignity of the adopted person.The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-44244991279282197552014-10-02T10:34:00.001-07:002015-01-24T08:29:47.385-08:00Horned Demon Triple Murderer Caius Veiovis Was AdoptedCaius Veiovis, formally known as Roy Gutfinski Jr wrote in a request to change his name while incarcerated, “Adopted as a child, (I) have no blood relation with, nor do I share the nationality my given name implies. It has long been a burden for me and I feel the new name I have carefully and with much thought, chosen more justly represents my individuality and nationality. This name is also in keeping with my religious beliefs.”<br />
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While being adopted doesn't mean you will turn out to be a murderer, statistically adopted people are over represented among serial killers. Adoption is a lifelong issue and even in the best of homes children suffer loss and identity issues which can lead to feelings of not fitting in and low self esteem.</div>
Many of the issues inherent in the adoption experience converge when the adoptee reaches adolescence. At this time three factors intersect: an acute awareness of the significance of being adopted; a drive toward emancipation; and a bio-psychosocial striving toward the development of an integrated identity.<br />
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When we are born we have a name. It is the name of all those in our blood line that have gone before us. We may be heirs to incredible wealth or royalty just by taking our first breath. We have an identity even without a first name. We are baby boy/girl and the name of one of the blood lines of our ancestors. Adoption takes this very birthright away and replaces it with a random cultural heritage of who was next on the list of the adoption agency. Caius was even named a Jr. to a man who didn't look much like him, whom he was not blood related and given a name as he stated "was a burden".<br />
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Adoption is a fundamental, life-altering event. Adoption is created through loss; without loss there would be no adoption. Adoptive parents, whether through infertility, failed pregnancy, stillbirth, or the death of a child have suffered one of life's greatest blows prior to adopting. They have lost their dream child. No matter how well resolved the loss of bearing a child appears to be, it continues to affect the adoptive family at a variety of points throughout time (Berman and Bufferd 1986). This fact is particularly evident during the adoptee's adolescence when the issues finding your place in society become impending. <br />
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First the adoptee loses their mother, then usually the foster mother that cares for them until they are legally free. While the adopted person may not remember these losses it is hardwired into their brain. Primate infants taken from their mothers and given to another primate mother still have high levels of cortisol in the brain. The privated monkeys suffered serious emotional deprivation resulting in delinquent and <span class="Strong-C">anti-<wbr></wbr>social behavior</span><span class="Wp-Strong-C Sz-Strong-C-130px">. The multiple, ongoing losses in adoption, coupled with feelings of rejection, shame, and grief as well as an incomplete sense of self, may impede the development of self worth for adoptees.</span><br />
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<span class="Wp-Strong-C Sz-Strong-C-130px">Religion plays a major role in adoption. Premarital sex is a sin and this feeds into the stigma and shame of being adopted. Caius rejected the Christian religion in which he was brought up. The majority of adopted people describe themselves as "spiritual" , but reject the dogma of religion along with the belief that the circumstances surrounding their adoption were "God's plan"</span><br />
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<span class="Wp-Strong-C Sz-Strong-C-130px">The stigma that adoptive families are not as valid as biological families, that adoption is a “second-rate” route to parenthood and that adopted children are “damaged” and are at risk for mental health problems also adds to the self esteem of the adopted person. </span><br />
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<span class="Wp-Strong-C Sz-Strong-C-130px">Every decision we make is our own. Why we choose the options we do are an accumulation of our feelings, experiences and influence of those around us. Morality does not come from religion. You don't need the ten commandments or other ancient text to know that killing someone is wrong. For some it comes down to a case of genetic code. It just seems that people, whether religious or not, are somewhat coded by genetics to act in certain ways. Some are naturally more rational and orderly than others...inside and outside of religious orders. When away from their own genetic herd who have learned to correct their flaws to adjust to society, adopted people are always at a disadvantage.</span><br />
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<span class="Wp-Strong-C Sz-Strong-C-130px"></span><br />The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-26178291894692066812014-08-24T10:36:00.003-07:002014-08-24T10:36:48.086-07:00Adoption.com Is Anti- Adoptee <strong>Victim blaming</strong> occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially responsible for the harm that befell them. This is what happens to adopted people who voice an opinion that is isn't grateful and entirely pleased with adoption.<br />
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Religious views combined with men returning home from the war led to an increase in unwed births and subsequent surrender. The adoption process became an industry, finding white babies for paying infertile couples. The phenomenon of victim blaming is well established in human psychology and history; for instance there are plenty of examples in the Old Testament in which tragedies and catastrophes are justified and blamed on the victims for their faults as sinners.<br />
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Adoption.com pays a lot for placement in internet searches and is sometimes the first place a searching adopted person will find. They own the domain name "adoption". They will allow an adoptee to post info or ask questions, but no adopted parents or birth mothers really want to hear the life long consequences of adoption. Just browse through the adoptee forum section and see how many posters have "banned" under their screen names. They hide the posts of adopted people or otherwise delete and ban them from the forums. Adult adopted people's opinions are very valuable because they have come full circle and some became parents themselves. <strong>Adoption is a lifelong issue that deals with the thread of family continuity and our connection to our ancestors.</strong><br />
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<strong>Not My Child</strong>. Adoptive parents who were unable to acknowledge their child’s needs also had a strong tendency to report that their child does not express a need for admiration, is not sensitive to criticism and does not take pleasure in activities that he/she usually enjoys (anhedonia). These findings support clinical observations that adoptive parents tend to report fewer problems in their children. Adoptive parents may be trying to make their child feel better about social rejection/problems in reminding them how special they are, it's actually counterproductive, increasing the child's isolation and adoption loss.<br />
<br />Instead of securing therapeutic support as any good parent is obligated to do, they deny the truth. Some are in true denial (unconscious) because it sure seems as though they only see what they want to see. They really do not see the adopted child's needs and problems. Problems that might be precursors to an alienated existence or character flaws.<br />
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Adoptive parents of the 60's , 70's and 80's were not aware of the needs of an adopted child. They were told in pamphlets and various other propaganda put out by the adoption industry, that the adopted child is a blank slate and if they were good enough parents they child would not need to search for their genetic families. They did not have an entire generation of adopted people to learn from. Unfortunately, the adopted adolescent's unchallenged grandiosity is also reinforced, possibly hindering future development of normal, fulfilling, and intimate relationships. Vulnerable children are dependent on being loved and cherished as individual human beings; not blamed or valued as trophies for parental sacrificing and sainthood.<br />
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Pregnant women want to know if the child they give away will hate them or have a happier life. Suppressing the views of grown adopted people and unhappy mothers of children lost to adoption shows that adoption has something to hide. There is another reason that adoptees and natural mothers are being silenced. Many people are concerned that if the truth about adoption and it's long-term effects on the mother and child were known, the <strong>abortion rate</strong> would go up. Because of the misperception that they were unwanted and would have been aborted, some adoptees have been known to say they consider themselves a "nine-month abortion."<br />
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People should, whether they have adopted a child or not, whether they are pro-choice or pro-life, begin to encourage all natural mothers and adoptees to tell their stories and provide insight into what can be improved about the treatment they have been given. A lack of support for unmarried mothers leads to a greater number of abortions. Statistics show that in the years following Roe v. Wade, as more mothers were supported in keeping their children rather than being forced to surrender them for adoption, the number of abortions dropped off. Babies are not saved from abortion when they are adopted because no child is ever adopted until after it is born.<br />
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A pregnant woman might be best served by telling her that instead of abortion she will have the option to be supported in keeping her child (moral support, financial support from the child's father, parenting classes for both mother and father, young parents groups, and government assistance if necessary). If she does find after her child is born that she really does not want her child, she will still have the option to surrender all parental rights .According to statistics compiled on Adoption.com, the mothers whose children are adopted-out often come from higher socioeconomic backgrounds. Unfortunately they are uninformed, misinformed and have no moral support from anyone due to the mistaken belief that they will soon get over the loss of their child and that their child will not know "the difference".<br />
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Children are not best served by adoption, which provides them a trauma situation where they are torn between their natural and adoptive families. Adoption is not a better life, but a different one.<br />
Pregnant mothers are being encouraged to "choose" adoption before their children are born and even to choose prospective adopters. It makes it very hard for a mother to disappoint the seemingly kind people later when she realizes she loves her child more than anything in the world and wants to keep him/her. The people served by this are those hoping to adopt an infant and those who profit from adoption. Those older foster children who truly need a home are not served by it, either.<br />
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Adopting a 7 year old child who is legally free with no kinship placement available can be a good thing. Adopting an older dog out of a shelter who will otherwise die is a good thing. Everyone wants a kitten, no one wants a cat. People think nothing of donating to a fundraising site for people to adopt a newborn baby. People are not entitled to be parents. Financial support for an expectant single mother is not a support of her sin of unmarried sex. Supporting a single mother to keep her baby is not going against anyone's religious beliefs or encouraging people to sin. It is in the best interest of the child who is a victim of circumstance.<br />
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Adoption.com says nothing about the devastating effect that this may have on both the mother AND on her baby. None of them talk about the unending grief and symptoms of PTSD that most mothers will experience from losing their children. Many women bury these emotions for years usually until at least a year into reunion with their child, at which point the repressed memories re-surface and devastating guilt begin. A natural parent's PTSD can introduce an added complication into the reunion, <strong>especially if the adoptee is not aware that this is a common occurrence</strong>. <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
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<strong>There are literally THOUSANDS of websites out there encouraging women - especially young women - to give up their babies</strong>. Infertility is a burning, painful loss. Often, couples focus so much on what they are going through that they overlook the fact that their child will need a different kind of support and guidance as they wrestle with what it means to them to be adopted. For those who contemplate adoption, it is important to know that <strong>adoption may cure childlessness but it doesn’t cure infertility.</strong> <br />
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Adoption.com has a moral and ethical responsibility to take every action toward safeguarding the best interests of children, enhancing the adoption experience and sustaining families – while achieving equitable treatment for everyone within the extended family of adoption. This includes unhappy adopted people and their original mothers.<br />
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The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-41468641221580431522014-06-23T11:21:00.002-07:002014-06-23T11:21:39.525-07:00Losing A Child To Adoption<br /> The loss of a child to adoption is the most devastating experience a parent can face-and missing the child never goes away. A piece of yourself is lost and your future is forever changed. <br />
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Many grieving birth mothers question whether life will hold any meaning for them and wonder how they will survive the pain of their loss. Mothers describe the feeling as having <em>a hole in their heart</em> that will never heal, and may blame themselves and ask, "If only I had." Or they may be angry with their spouse, the physician, God, or the government. <br />
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Mothers feel alone and isolated in their grief, as friends and relatives are often at a loss as to what to say. But it is important to talk to people who understand the loss. This may be other first mothers, adoptees, therapists, or support groups. <br />
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Everyone suffers loss in different ways depending upon their beliefs, culture, family history, and relationship with the person who fathered the child. It doesn't mean that others care less if they mourn differently than you do. Grief can also vary greatly depending upon the openness of the adoption. While some losses are less visible, such as miscarriage, other experiences of loss are more traumatic.</div>
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<li>Miscarriage affects about 25 percent of women who become pregnant during their lifetime. The experience of pregnancy loss can be devastating to couples, yet the majority of women who miscarry become pregnant again soon after the loss. This can become emotionally and physically challenging for the couple. They are often plagued with concerns about the possibility of another miscarriage and whether they made an appropriate decision to conceive again. </li>
<li>Stillbirths, occurring in about 1% of pregnancies, can leave a feeling of disorientation, yearning and despair. Hospitals will give parents the option of spending time with the baby to say goodbye, and many parents have said that seeing their child was important for their grief process and enabled them to see the baby as a part of themselves. Another form of infant loss is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)-the most frequent cause of death in children under one year of age-that creates a profound void and sense of loss in the family. </li>
<li>Approximately 2,000 children are reported missing every day, and these kidnappings and cases of missing children cause parents almost unbearable pain. Not knowing whether a child is dead or alive results in confusion, fright and anxiety. When the bodies of kidnapped children are found, parents may express saddened relief that their children can now have a proper burial and healing can finally begin. </li>
<li>The parents of murder victims face many unique struggles in their process of bereavement. A sense of loss of control is common, and the suddenness of the death is so overwhelming that, for a period of time, parents are often incapable of processing through the grief. For this group, dealing with spiritual beliefs, attitudes toward life, and general physical health may hold special importance. </li>
<li>Each day, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer in the U.S., and 35% of those will die. Cancer remains the number one disease killer of children. The anguish and extreme pain parents experience begins with diagnosis. One part of the parents' heart hopes for a cure, while the other part begins the quiet process of impending grief. </li>
<li>Losing a child to adoption is almost never included because it was the mothers choice. Some mothers especially those of the baby scoop era felt like they didn't have a choice. They were uninformed about the trauma and loss.</li>
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Birth mothers often experience more anger, depression, guilt, and physical symptoms than those grieving other losses. <br />
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The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-25033363228380750382014-05-08T06:12:00.005-07:002015-10-02T08:06:37.502-07:00The Loss ( Adoption Loss ) Award Winning Poem<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The Loss is a predator that stalks his prey<br />
His shadow has followed me every day<br />
Each birthday when I turn a year older<br />
The Loss gets bigger, darker and bolder<br />
He sucks out the joy from every room<br />
Laces each feeling with sadness and gloom<br />
He crushes my happiness with loneliness and guilt<br />
Smashes the walls from the pain I have built<br />
He is there each holiday evening and noon<br />
He changes the meaning of every tune<br />
At what should be the happiest times of my life<br />
His unwavering stare cuts through like a knife<br />
The Loss has no intention of leaving<br />
He will be there until the day I stop breathing<br />
I tried to outrun him and live in denial<br />
He hid from my view but was there all the while.<br />
He waits in the darkness 'till all my friends leave <br />
When I finally stopped running I was able to grieve <br />
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With more days behind me than are left ahead<br />
I asked The Loss if he wanted me dead<br />
"You were given away through no fault of your own <br />
But the sadness you bear is not yours alone<br />
You never knew I stalk yet another<br />
Still running away from being your mother<br />
When you turned to face me and looked in my eyes<br />
Your actions and words caught me by surprise<br />
You did what your mother could never do.<br />
You walked a long mile inside of her shoes<br />
She couldn't acknowledge the hand you were dealt<br />
Nor ever imagine the pain that you felt.<br />
She never once bothered to look at the fact<br />
The face in your mirror is hers staring back<br />
You both know The Loss never really goes away<br />
But she is too afraid to ask me to stay."<br />
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Now The Loss and I walk hand in hand.<br />
We stare at the stars all alone in the sand <br />
There are still days of both sunshine and rain<br />
But gone is the secrecy, stigma and shame<br />
The Loss is my oldest and dearest of friends<br />
One of few I can trust to be there at the end. The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-15130634837192965442014-03-19T09:23:00.001-07:002015-02-04T11:03:23.879-08:00How To Get Over Being AdoptedThe open ended loss of adoption is distinct, unlike any other kind of grief. It is a lifelong issue that doesn’t resolve itself and because of societal views, resolution is difficult to impossible. The grief is regularly re-awakened. Learning how to cope with the ongoing nature of your adoption isn’t unlike learning to live in a war zone, with no peace in sight, or surviving with PTSD. There are skills and techniques that can make coping easier for you and for those around you, and there are resources you can draw on as you build a life that can endure the constant highs and lows of unresolved loss. The survival skills necessary to deal with an unhealthy and painful situation for extended periods of time aren’t automatic, and many adoptees can’t find them without a little help from other adopted people.<br />
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All adoptions are NOT the same. There is a difference between the child removed from her biological home from horrible abuse and being later adopted by foster parents as opposed to the child given away at birth from an underage mother. Growing up knowing your real name and some biological family members eases the pain. Being able to reunite (whether good or bad ) with the biological family is also a relief for the pain, but because of current laws and shameful adoptive practices not all adopted people are allowed these two comforts. The adopted person who does not know his or her true origins is in limbo.<br />
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Many adopted people may have had good homes. Why then would they choose to search for their real families? While not wanting to offend the adoptive family may hinder the adoptee's decision to search, there are people who want to know and people who do not. Much like wanting to know the gender of your unborn child. 60 percent of people want to know what color to paint the nursery while others choose to live with the fantasy. The difference is you'll eventually find out. Many adopted people who do not search are very open to being found and put their info on reunion sites "just in case" but it really deals with the underlying issue of not wanting to be rejected or be seen as ungrateful.<br />
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Until you have come full circle and accepted the truth over the fantasy, you can not start to heal. The biggest mystery of your life is unsolved. Adopted people need to fill in the gaps in their own lives in order to feel more complete. Closure is very important to the healing process. Helen Keller said "The only way to get to the other side is to go through the door."<br />
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Grief is not a disease. What if someone you loved very much died and you were discouraged from crying? Adoption loss is a ROLLER COASTER. Some days you don't think much about it, other days you find yourself in the depths of despair. Non adopted people feel uncomfortable with your grief and will shut you down or minimize it. It would be like a white person telling a black person in the United States, fully knowing the history of slavery, that they are being overly sensitive about discrimination. Just because the white person may not be racist or treat black people differently there is no way they could ever know what it is like to be African American in America or to grow up not knowing a single biological relative. I can cover my eyes with tape and pretend to be blind for a whole day and that would not even be a drop in the bucket of what it is like to be blind in a seeing population. Don't get your advice from adopted people who come from the worst biological homes as they are in the minority. There is no single adoption experience and any number of factors, not just childhood trauma or age of adoption that influence how a adoptee deals with adoption loss. 27 percent of soldiers coming home from Afghanistan and Iraq report PTSD while the suicide rate among veterans is 4 times higher than the civilian population. This suggests the numbers are much higher than reported as is true for adoption loss.<br />
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So how do you get over being adopted? <strong>You don't, but knowing that is the key.</strong> For those who are unable to find their families for closure because of laws preventing them from accessing their birth certificates (which I have termed <strong>ambiguous adoption loss</strong> ) you must learn to live life as fully as possible despite the uncertainty and the persistent sorrow it can create. Remember that most adoptive parents wanted a child. No one knocked on their door and begged them to take you in and you don't owe anyone anything. You got the short end of the stick and you just have to make the best of it. Your mother most likely would not have given you away if she thought you would not find a good home. The universe is not punishing you nor is there a reason for your adoption other than the circumstances surrounding it.There are plenty of people who have it much worse than you although it is pretty sad you have to think about it that way. Get exercise, eat healthy, light a nice smelling candle, clean your house, organize your life and finances, take a walk through the woods, travel to new places, visit the grave of a loved one, put little signs around your house like "It is what it is" or "don't let too much of yesterday take up too much of today" to remind you not to dwell too much on it. Most importantly don't let anyone tell you how to feel. If you are lucky enough to be in reunion you can always help other adopted people change the laws or find the missing pieces of their own self. <strong>Remember you deserve to be here.</strong> Most of the people on this planet are not planned pregnancies and more and more children are born to unmarried mothers. Happiness is relative to the observer.<br />
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<br />The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-9615802774396409612013-12-20T09:51:00.004-08:002015-04-01T07:46:50.601-07:0013 Reasons Why Adopted Children Are Not Lucky<ol>
<li>Unlike a child who has lost his or her parents through death they are not allowed to grieve. Adoptees are expected to be grateful for the family they now have. The public perceives it as disrespectful to the adoptive family and is discouraged.</li>
<li>Adopted people are viewed to have had a better life. Some adoptees do get a nice, stable home but it comes along with the trauma and grief of losing their original family. Statistically adopted children are at an increased risk of child abuse and later in life drug and alcohol abuse.</li>
<li>Adopted people have their records sealed and are unable to open them in most states. Not all adoption agencies reported the correct facts or passed on information. Many adoptees that were able to reunite with their biological families found that they had never received updates, photos and letters given to the agency. They also found their reason given for surrender was incorrect and also things like cultural heritage, family medical history and siblings.</li>
<li>Adopted people can never go home. There is a misconception that at 18 a child can do what they want and be a part of both families. Most adopted people are a part of two families, but are neither fully a part of either.</li>
<li>Adopted people experience genetic bewilderment and the lack of mirroring. Being able to see how tall you will be or how your body is shaping through puberty is more than a mere curiosity. It is essential to being able to transition from child to adult. </li>
<li>Denial of information regarding ancestors. The adopted person wonders not just who gave birth to them , but if they are related to someone famous or have an inherited trait or skill. Adoptees wonder what jobs they should have and think about the legacy they want to leave behind for their own descendants.</li>
<li>Birthdays are triggering for adopted people. Most people whether they were a planned pregnancy or not are visited in the hospital by family. Photos are taken at birth and the first bonding begins between mother and child. For most adopted people their birth was a sad occasion with decisions made for them that not only affect their adolescence, but the rest of their lives.</li>
<li>Children adopted internationally are sometimes the victims of coercion or kidnapping. They are not only losing their family heritage but an entire culture and way of life.</li>
<li>Adopted people are used in pro-life arguments. They are seen as poster children for anti-abortion groups. It would be wrong to assume that every one of those relinquishments actually averted an abortion. Many women placing their baby for adoption may never have considered abortion in the first place. Adoption rates almost always include foster care from children removed from abuse or neglect that were never candidates for abortion.</li>
<li>When having their own children, adoptees often relive the trauma of their adoption. They realize how vulnerable they were and how much they love the child they have brought into the world. It is hard to imagine how someone could give the most precious thing in the world away because of their current financial situation. It is then that many adoptees feel the loss of adoption. It overshadows what should otherwise be a joyous time in their lives.</li>
<li>The lack of birth family connection can be a strain during childhood. Much like those who have a loved one who is presumed missing or dead the adopted person thinks of them often. Sometimes it can become an obsession and disrupt their lives.</li>
<li>Adopted people because of the stigma and shame of the history adoption have self esteem problems. Just growing up away from where they belong and not having the most basic things like being told how much they look like their sibling, parent or other family member can be an emotional strain. While the adoptive parents and children feel as though they are a family, other extended family or the public may not feel the same about their family bonds.</li>
<li> One is not simply adopted on one day or date. Being adopted is a life long part of the adoptees identity and can carry onto their own offspring. Every time the adopted person looks in the mirror or at their own children it is a constant reminder of their true origins. When the adoptee is watching a news story about breast or prostate cancer or reads a new study on family history regarding heart disease they can not help but think of their birth families. <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><div align="LEFT">
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The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com130tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-68124349130426977242013-11-26T05:25:00.000-08:002013-11-26T05:25:35.553-08:00The Cons Of Egg and Embryo Donation<div class="post-header">
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Embryo Adoption (as it is rightly called) is a fertilized egg with no genetic match to either parent being born to people often who otherwise do not qualify for traditional adoption. This can be due to age, lack of funds ect. Even though the child will be born to the mother it will not look like either parent and be no different to a baby adopted at birth. <br /><br /> The donor family is usually a husband and wife who froze eggs due to cost and saving the mother from another extraction. When they have conceived all of the children they wish to have, a surplus is left over. The new term for this is "snowflake baby". They feel they don't wish to donate them to science or otherwise destroy them so they are placed for adoption. Contact between the families can be open or closed. Laws are not in place yet to oversee this.<br /><br /> The lack of knowledge of and definite relationship to one's genealogy, “genealogical bewilderment”, and which can result in the stunting of emotional development in adopted children and can lead them to irrational rebellion against their adoptive parents and the world as a whole. Ignorance about their personal origin made adolescence more of a strain for adopted children than other children and genealogical bewilderment is a factor which frequently appears to be present in adoption stress.<br /><br /> Several other researchers found a predilection for impulsive behavior and acting out, antisocial symptoms in adopted children at birth. Adopted children often go through a stage of feeling like an outsider. He may fantasize about the person he would have been had he been raised by his "real " family. The child will think about his genetic parents everyday. This is true with knowing the parents and without in open and closed adoptions. When the child is asked who she looks like or how many brother or sisters he has. His cultural heritage may not be the same and his medical history will not match the parents.As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage. He will not know who is supposed to be because he will not know his true origins if the adoption is closed or semi open. Not knowing another biological relative makes one feel like a misfit. The first relative most adoptees meet is their own child. The birth of a child in an adoptees life always brings the question..."how could I give this baby away"?<br /><br /> How would a person feel to know that they were not needed by their original family? That somewhere there is a loving mom, dad and full blood siblings that get to grow up with them while the child is born to a world where he or she should be grateful they were not destroyed. Would the donor mother feel the same if she carried the child to term and gave him away or is it a disconnection from a group of cells in a freezer? What if the child is abused or not told they are adopted? What if the adoptive family does not honor the open agreement?<br /><br /> The major issue here is cost. In most instances it is cheaper to create extra embryos and cheaper to adopt an embryo than a child. The Catholic Church is also debating this topic.In 2008, the Vatican released a major document on bioethics, “Dignitas Personae” (“The Dignity of a Person”), that reiterated the Catholic view that embryos should not be created in the lab and frozen, but added that embryo adoption is also not allowed. It is, the document said, “a situation of injustice which in fact cannot be resolved.” In the United States, Congress and the Bush administration gave $1 million to promote embryo adoption.<br /><br /> Embryo donation is legally considered a property transfer and not an adoption by state laws. However, Georgia enacted a statute called the "Option of Adoption Act" in 2009 which provided a procedure for couples to become eligible for the federal Adoption Tax Credit. <br /><br /> Embryo adoption is implanting cells which could not grow on their own. If not for artificial means would die on their own. They were intentionally created in a lab and can remain frozen indefinitely.<span class="fbod quote">"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights and are entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status." There will be no original birth certificate or hospital record should the donor recipient decide to not tell the person he or she is not adopted. If there is a flood, fire or unexpected death the identity of the adopted person's ancestors will be lost forever. Not telling people they are adopted is a bad practice. Less than 5 % of adoptions are closed. The sealing of birth records is a short lived, bad practice that caused unnecessary suffering.</span><br /><br /> There is also a new way to choose the donor egg and donor sperm thus intentionally creating an orphan with no intention of ever being used for the genetic parents. If your personal or religious views support embryo donation as an alternative to destroying the embryo you must consider that creating a human being with no relation to either parent in a closed adoption who wouldn't exist otherwise is morally wrong and reprehensible. Enter the "designer baby" who is destined to be top of the class, excel in math, and have hair, eyes and other physical characteristics that fit his or her parents' wish list.The main objection to the procedure is that it opens the door to a world of unethical possibilities. A very slippery slope for future generations.<br /><br /> Adopted children face loss in the most loving of homes. Our ancestors and family history help give us a sense of belonging and define who we are. Adoption is a life-long issue that deals with identity and the broken thread of family continuity. Being adopted is not always a better life, but a different one. One must decide if embryo donation is adoption or it isn't. If the embryo is a person for abortion issues it must have the same rights for embryo donation issues. One must put their own wants and needs aside and consider the dignity of an adopted person even if he or she is only in the beginning stages of life.</div>
The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-25630846662773075412013-11-15T12:09:00.002-08:002013-11-15T12:09:34.288-08:00Closed Adoption Is Child AbuseAdoption was a social experiment in which babies born to unmarried mothers were taken at birth and given to strangers for adoption. It was claimed to be in the best interests of the child, who would be protected from the slur of illegitimacy and would have a better life in the adoptive family. Adoption enabled infertile married couples to have a family, and the State saved money on its welfare bill. <br /> Adoption legislation was first introduced in the 1920s, but adoption was slow to be accepted, due to the belief that immorality and other evil tendencies were passed on from mother to child. After World War II, however, when environment was seen as more important than heredity in the development of the child, adoption became more popular. It was believed that mothers would not bond with their babies if the babies were taken immediately after birth, and the mothers were prevented from seeing them, and that babies would bond successfully with their adoptive families if they were placed as soon as possible after birth. All ties with the natural mother were then severed, the child was issued with a new birth certificate which showed him as being born to the adoptive parents, and the records were sealed. <br /> Adoption was promoted as being in the best interests of the child. Mothers were expected to forget about their child and get on with their lives, get married and have children of their own. Adoption was seen as an instant cure for infertility. None of these beliefs was based on any scientific evidence. <br /> In 1952 a British psychiatrist, Wellisch, drew attention to a problem of adoption - the lack of knowledge of and definite relationship to one's genealogy, which he termed “genealogical bewilderment”, and which could result in the stunting of emotional development in adopted children and could lead them to irrational rebellion against their adoptive parents and the world as a whole, and eventually to delinquency. Ignorance about their personal origin made adolescence more of a strain for adopted children than other children and genealogical bewilderment is a factor which frequently appears to be present in adoption stress. <br /> Several other researchers found a predilection for impulsive behavior and acting out, antisocial symptoms in adopted children. (Simon & Senturia, 1966; Jackson, 1968) They were found to have serious adjustment problems in adolescence (McWhinnie, 1969), and all seemed to have a sense of abandonment by the birth parents irrespective of experiences. (Triseliotis, 1971) Triseliotis suggested that the wound could be healed in a loving adoptive family, but the scar always remains.<br /><br /> The child who does not grow up with his own biological parents, who does not even know them or any one of his own blood, is an individual who has lost the thread of family continuity. A deep identification with our forebears, as experienced originally in the mother-child relationship, gives us our most fundamental security. :xplode<br /> However it was not until 1991 that anyone writing about adoption gave any serious consideration to the traumatic effects of separating mother and child at birth. Nancy Verrier hypothesised that the severing of the connection between the child and biological mother causes a primal wound, which often manifests in a sense of loss (depression), basic mistrust (anxiety), emotional and/or behavioral problems, and difficulties in relationships with significant others. <br /> Studies conducted on animals, particularly other primates, indicate that there may be a biological basis for what Verrier calls the primal wound. Reite in 1978 demonstrated that when monkey infants were separated from their mothers they experienced decreases in body temperature and sleep pattern changes, even when the separated infants were immediately adopted by another adult female. Reite suggests that these physiological changes are not due to the physical absence of the mother, but are caused, at least in part, by the perception of loss of the mother on the part of the infant, i.e., the cause is essentially psychological. <br /> Separation of newborn babies from their mothers causes a high secretion of the stress hormone cortisol. (Bowlby 1980; Noble 1993) There is physiological evidence from studies of laboratory rats that the level of maternal care given to the infant influences its response to stress: the more care, the lower the levels of hormones like adrenaline in reaction to stressful circumstances. People who are highly reactive to stress are at greater risk for the development of depression, and drug and substance abuse problems, etc. Adopted people have a greater vulnerability to stress, and are also at greater risk for depression and drug and substance related abuse problems. <br /> Studies in primates show that if an infant is deprived of its mother soon after birth, the infant's brain does not develop normally. For example, the number and sensitivity of the infant's brain receptor sites for endorphins - the internal morphine-like chemicals that affect mood - are diminished." <br /> Birth<br /> Vicki M. Rummig, author of "Adoption: Trauma that Lasts a Life Time," reports that, "When the adoptee is separated from her birth mother, she undergoes extensive trauma. She will not remember this trauma, but it will stay in her subconscious as she lived it." How long the newborn will live with this trauma is unknown since a baby's memory cannot be quantified. "An event from a person's infancy can and will stay with them through life," says Nancy Verrier, author of "The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child." It's no coincidence, Rummig suggests, that many of these children grow up to be emotionally wounded. It should be noted that Rummig herself was adopted as a baby.<br /><br /> Teens<br /> Adopted children often go through a stage of feeling like an outsider. He may fantasize about the person he would have been had she not been adopted. He'll come up with ideas of what his birth parents are like and may even produce a ghost-like image of what his life and family would have been like. Rummig describes the experience that he and other adoptees have as "feeling like my adoptive family is in a big circle but I am on the outside looking in.<br /> With the adoptee not having a role model who resembles her physically or psychologically, it is more difficult to define where her life shall lead. She may come from a biologically artistic family, but adopted into a scientific family. She may not only feel the need to follow in her adoptive family’s footsteps, attending similar colleges, choosing similar careers, but she did not have the artistic role model to show her that way of life. This further complicates the identity formation of the adoptee. “One’s identity begins with the genes and family history...” (Reitz & Watson, 1992, p. 134)<br /> Adoptees also lack the ability to see their physical characteristics as they will present themselves in the future. A natural born daughter would be able to tell how big she is going to be, if she will have a tendency to be overweight, or if she is going to go grey early in life, but the adoptee is denied this genetic role model and will not know these things until she reaches that stage in life herself. This adds to the curiosity of wanting to know their genetic background.<br /> Rachel says that families are a hall of mirrors, “Everyone but adoptees can look in and see themselves reflected. I didn’t know what it was like to be me. I felt like someone who looks into a mirror and sees no reflection. I felt lonely, not connected to anything, floating, like a ghost.” (Lifton, 1994, p. 68)<br /> The adoptee will feel even more dissociated when conversations regarding other family members or peers births are brought up. She is missing the story of her birth parents meeting, her conception, her birth, and in some instances, sometime after her birth. It is often commented that the adoptee feels placed on this earth, not born or that they are some type of space alien. Non-adoptees take their own life story for granted, but the adoptee is acutely aware that theirs is missing. So now, not only does the adoptee feel dissociated from her adoptive family, but also from her peers, for she is different.<br /> Adoptees are faced with a feeling of loss and grief that they are not allowed, by society, to actively mourn. “With adoption, the child experiences a loss (like divorce or death) of an unknown person, and doesn’t know why.” (Adopting Resources, 1995) She is aware that family members are lost to her, but is expected to not mourn the loss of this family member she has never known. She will often be chastised when asking questions of her birth family from her adoptive family.<br /> The consensus among researchers is that adoption affects development throughout life, with the fact of "being adopted," creating unique responses to significant life-events, e.g., the birth of a child<br /> In Western culture, the dominant conception of family revolves around a heterosexual couple with biological offspring. As a consequence, research indicates, disparaging views of adoptive families exist, along with doubts concerning the strength of their family bonds<br /> The most recent adoption attitudes survey completed by the Evan Donaldson Institute provides further evidence of this stigma. Nearly one-third of the surveyed population believed adoptees are less-well adjusted, more prone to medical issues, and predisposed to drug and alcohol problems. Additionally, 40-45% thought adoptees were more likely to have behavior problems and trouble at school. In contrast, the same study indicated adoptive parents were viewed favorably, with nearly 90% describing them as, "lucky, advantaged, and unselfish."<br /> Not all of these issues affect adoptees to the same extent. Some may spend a lifetime dwelling on it, others may not even appear to notice. This would be true of any group of people that lived through trauma, such as Vietnam War Veterans. It should be noted that adoptees are over represented in residential treatment centers. The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-74848165001564840172013-09-09T07:49:00.002-07:002013-09-09T08:03:21.975-07:00The Religion Behind AdoptionThe most prominent case of "Baby Veronica" had captured the media's attention. Why are there people trying to adopt a 4 year old girl who has already bonded with her biological father, sister and grandparents? Why are there people who support her being taken away from her family and given to non-relatives? The simple answer is religion and public views surrounding adoption.<br />
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In the 2000's the argument that there are millions of orphans in the world, and that Christians are called by God to care for them came from Evangelical leaders like Rick Warren. This offered a way for anti-abortion advocates to demonstrate they cared about children outside the womb as well. Adoption was considered a uniquely a Christian calling. Adoption theology described the earthly institution of child adoption as part of Christians' own salvation experience, just as God had adopted them. <br />
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The overseas adoption market picked up to meet the dropping supply of domestic infants. With 30-40,000 dollars at stake there was much corruption and children were being kidnapped from their families and sold. Countries starting closing or suspending overseas adoptions. To counter this, conservative religious groups like the Family Research Council and crisis pregnancy centers have sought to turn those numbers around by encouraging more women to relinquish. Money has been spent to change adoption language to paint birth mothers as saint-like and unselfish. The US adoption waiting list no longer includes just infertile couples. It includes people who already have biological children of both genders and who want to adopt for adoption's sake.<br />
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For adopted children having to grow up in a religious home there has always been conflict. If pre- marital sex is a sin, then wouldn't our birth parents go to Hell? No, because they made a selfish decision to relinquish and if they accepted the Lord they will go to heaven. Ok. So if I murder and rape a women, but then accept the Lord as my personal savior I will be able to go to heaven and see her? <br />
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A God who would be content with allowing people to suffer for eternity doesn't seem like a loving and forgiving God. And how could you be happy in heaven knowing your loved ones and suffering in hell? The knowledge of those who are sent to Hell must be hidden from those in heaven. It wouldn't surprise me as the Judeo-Christian God of the bible seems to be good at keeping things from us.<br />
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Then there is theory of "Gods Plan". It was my destiny to be with my adoptive parents. So my birth mother was meant to sin? If that was true then her free will was annihilated and she was created already doomed if she doesn't repent. The reason why God doesn't intervene in Earthly suffering is supposed to be man's free will. Why would God's plan not involve just having me born to my adoptive parents? When these things can't be explained, they attribute them to "mysterious ways" and give them no further thought as it is beyond our earthly understanding.<br />
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Adoptees are constantly reminded that they were "saved" from an abortion. If it were part of God's plan then abortion was never an option as my birthmother's free will was annihilated in order to create me for my infertile parents. The paradox doesn't make sense. An easier explanation would be that some young women have sex and some get pregnant. Some have abortions, some keep their babies and others relinquish them to adoption. Of those who do give their children away, some have unselfish reasons such as the young poor woman in Vietnam who truly believes her child will have a better life and maybe sponsor the rest of her family to come to the US someday. Some simply do not want to parent. This is true of mothers who already do not have custody of their current children. If you looked at the teachings of Jesus in the bible, He would want people to help young poor women care for their own babies. The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788132428747837931.post-57821980930419004352013-09-04T07:26:00.001-07:002013-09-05T13:32:23.409-07:00Why Genetics Are So Important To The Adopted Child<span style="font-family: Myriad-Roman;"></span><br />
Family members share their genes, as well as their environment, lifestyles and habits. Everyone<br />
can recognize traits that run in their family, such as curly hair, dimples, leanness or athletic<br />
ability. Risks for diseases such as asthma, diabetes, cancer, and heart disease also run in families.<br />
Everyone’s family history of disease is different. The key features of a family history that may<br />
increase risk are:<br />
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• Diseases that occur at an earlier age than expected (10 to 20 years before most people<br />
<br />
get the disease);<br />
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• Disease in more than one close relative;<br />
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• Disease that does not usually affect a certain gender (for example, breast cancer in a male);<br />
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• Certain combinations of diseases within a family (for example, breast and ovarian cancer,(or heart disease and diabetes).<br />
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If your family has one or more of these features, your family history may hold important clues<br />
about your risk for disease. Your ancestors with these gene traits may have adjusted their environment, lifestyles and habits to survive and flourish.<br />
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It is easy to show that close relatives have a greater than average chance of sharing genes. It has long been clear that this must be why altruism by parents towards their young is so common. The same applies to other brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, close cousins. If an individual dies in order to save ten close relatives, one copy of the kin-altruism gene may be lost, but a larger number of copies of the same gene is saved.<br />
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The benefit of a child growing up in his or her biological family far outweighs any material things that could be gained for the child through adoption. Their very health can depend on it. For example, studies show that if you have a close relative with bipolar disorder, you have about a 10 percent chance of getting a mood disorder, such as bipolar disorder or depression.Genetic tests for some rare diseases clearly tied to a specific, single gene, like cystic fibrosis, fragile X syndrome (a heritable cause of mental retardation), or sickle cell disease, give people definitive answers about their risk of getting these rare illnesses.The results have given people valuable health information that has helped them get the right treatments or, if no treatment is available, to plan their lives and care, in consultation with their health-care team.<br />
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We have a case which has gone to the Supreme court and back about "Baby Veronica". Through various courts and decisions she was removed from the potential adoptive parents and placed back with her biological father and grandparents for almost as long as she lived with the non related couple. Both homes are safe and loving, but she would clearly have a better advantage at survival living with her Native American relatives who share some of her genetic markers.<br />
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Then there is the psychological impact of being away from our biological relatives. We all have ancestors who have been noble, honest, kind and creative. We all have ancestors who have been dishonorable, cruel and small minded. Our ancestors have thrived and have suffered. And each one was exactly where they needed to be to bring us into the world. Our great, great, great-grandparents give us 1/64th of our genes. Their offspring gives us 1/32 and this is as true for adoptees and orphans who do not know their ancestors, as it is for those of us who have inherited detailed family trees. They survived long enough to send life on to the next generation, eventually reaching you. You could not be alive without them.A deep identification with our forebears gives us our most fundamental security. If we trace our ancestors back 185 million years he or she would be a fish. Your fish is the same as my fish and a small part of our genes come from that fish. Our most common human ancestor of all the world's population lived at least 100,000 years ago. Some of us will be ancestors some day, some will not. There is no in between.<br />
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Adopted children often go through a stage of feeling like an outsider. She may fantasize about the person she would have been had she not been adopted. She may even produce a ghost-like image of what her life and family would have been like.With the adoptee not having a role model who resembles her physically or psychologically, it is more difficult to define where her life shall lead. She may come from a biologically artistic family, but adopted into a scientific family. She may not only feel the need to follow in her adoptive family’s footsteps, attending similar colleges, choosing similar careers, but she did not have the artistic role model to show her that way of life. This further complicates the identity formation of the adoptee. Adoptees are faced with a feeling of loss and grief that they are not allowed, by society, to actively mourn.<br />
<br />
In Western culture, the dominant conception of family revolves around a heterosexual couple with biological offspring. As a consequence, research indicates, disparaging views of adoptive families exist, along with doubts concerning the strength of their family bonds. The most recent adoption attitudes survey completed by the Evan Donaldson Institute provides further evidence of this stigma. Nearly one-third of the surveyed population believed adoptees are less-well adjusted, more prone to medical issues, and predisposed to drug and alcohol problems. Additionally, 40-45% thought adoptees were more likely to have behavior problems and trouble at school. In contrast, the same study indicated adoptive parents were viewed favorably, with nearly 90% describing them as, "lucky, advantaged, and unselfish."<br />
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The consensus among researchers is that adoption affects development throughout life, with the fact of "being adopted," creating unique responses to significant life-events such as the birth of their own child. <br />
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<br />The Humanist Adopteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13846347333770283522noreply@blogger.com0