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Monday, March 16, 2015

7 Lies About Adoption

Despite the fact that adoption is a common practice in the United States and in much of the world today, not much research has been done on the outcome of it. There is much literature on who adopts children and on who relinquishes children for adoption because these studies were paid for by the adoption agencies.  Many adoptions have favorable outcomes for the members of the adoption triad (birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees). Yet the number of adoptions by nonrelatives has declined sharply since 1970, and only a small minority of women who have been treated for infertility have ever sought to adopt. These facts suggest that adoption may still have a stigma attached to it. Further research could indicate whether such a stigma exists, and if so, what the causes and consequences of that stigma might be.

There is no official count of how many people are adopted, but it is estimated that 4 percent of Americans are and of those half are adopted by non-relatives. Most Americans asked have a personal connection to someone in the triad. Many people many not even know they are adopted or that a family member has given birth and immediately terminated parental rights.

1. Those kids don't turn out well.  Adoptees are regular children who unfortunately had to be removed from their families. No matter what the reason for this, it is a trauma. Everyone processes things differently.

2. The birth mother should have kept her legs shut. Plenty of young people have sex before marriage. Most women don't end up getting pregnant, but those who do are not necessarily promiscuous.

3. Something is wrong with those people that they couldn't have their own kids. God doesn't want them to be parents. It doesn't matter what went wrong or what could have been done differently. Telling a woman she "waited too long" or a young person that they have "plenty of time" may not be correct. There’s a stigma that either God is punishing you for something you did or the opposite stigma that religious couples face, “You’re not praying hard enough.” Neither of these are true. Nor is it a divine calling to adopt.

4. They adopted a baby when there are plenty of older kids that need homes. There are thousands of children in the U.S. foster care who are legally free and currently waiting for an adoptive home. Everyone wants a kitten, but no one wants an older cat at the animal shelter. The main reason cited is the need for the animal to have only one true master or that the animal may be "damaged" from abuse. They want to see the first steps, hear the first word and be the only mother the baby ever knows.

5. Babies are blank slates. This idea was pushed 50 years ago, but widely discredited. Science proves people have significant “pre-programming” from genes that have some influence on almost every want, trait, feeling, thought, and action.

6. Their Birth mothers will come find them. For adoptive placements, very few birth parents reappear after their parental rights have been legally terminated. In the instances where children have continued relationships with birth relatives, it’s because the arrangement will be beneficial, safe, and healthy for all involved

7. Adopted kids shouldn't be told about their siblings. Sibling contact is almost always the best thing for them after being separated from their birth parents. It helps provide continuity and protects them from suffering additional loss.

Also read related 13 Reasons Adopted Children Are Not Lucky

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