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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Why Adult Adopted People Dislike Adoption

There is a difference between a couple with their own biological children who adopt an older foster child and the infertile couple who adopt an infant. Adoption is first a loss for the mother and child. It should be always be used as a last resort and be open and honest. With most states not allowing adopted people to have access to their own birth certificates there is nothing to celebrate about adoption. Last year the Kay jewelry commercial received a huge backlash from the adoption community for showing an outdated view of adoption and was pulled from the air.

The latest commercial to cause controversy in the adoption community is the race for state Treasurer in Massachusetts. Candidate Deb Goldberg in her ad links adoption to “opportunity".  What this has to do with equal pay, avoiding personal debt, college savings plans, ect is confusing.
What it really has to do with is using the adoptive parent "sainthood" phenomena. Some people feel a religious calling. Adoption is not a way to repay a debt to society, a good deed, or a selfless act, but they feel in doing so that they gain an elevated status. "You are such a good person for taking in a child that is not your own and raising it to adulthood." Adoption has become an industry of finding healthy babies for paying couples instead of finding good homes for children who really need them.

Adopted voters in Massachusetts can only get a copy of their original birth certificate if they are 40 years or older (adopted person 18 years of age or older who was born in the commonwealth on or before July 17, 1974 or on or after January 1, 2008). Visit any adoption registry in the state and you will see thousands of entries of people looking. Why should someone born in June 1974 have more rights than someone born in August of 1974? Those voter's identities are quite literally a state secret. If you are an adopted adult under 40 years old in Massachusetts the only "opportunity" you get is second class citizen status. Adoption loss and the gross violation of human and civil rights that still occur in this country is not something to be exploited for political gain. One must consider the dignity of the adopted person.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Horned Demon Triple Murderer Caius Veiovis Was Adopted

Caius Veiovis,  formally known as Roy Gutfinski Jr wrote in a request to change his name while incarcerated, “Adopted as a child, (I) have no blood relation with, nor do I share the nationality my given name implies. It has long been a burden for me and I feel the new name I have carefully and with much thought, chosen more justly represents my individuality and nationality. This name is also in keeping with my religious beliefs.”

While being adopted doesn't mean you will turn out to be a murderer, statistically adopted people are over represented among serial killers. Adoption is a lifelong issue and even in the best of homes children suffer loss and identity issues which can lead to feelings of not fitting in and low self esteem.
Many of the issues inherent in the adoption experience converge when the adoptee reaches adolescence. At this time three factors intersect: an acute awareness of the significance of being adopted; a drive toward emancipation; and a bio-psychosocial striving toward the development of an integrated identity.

When we are born we have a name. It is the name of all those in our blood line that have gone before us. We may be heirs to incredible wealth or royalty just by taking our first breath. We have an identity even without a first name. We are baby boy/girl and the name of one of the blood lines of our ancestors. Adoption takes this very birthright away and replaces it with a random cultural heritage of who was next on the list of the adoption agency. Caius was even named a Jr. to a man who didn't look much like him, whom he was not blood related and given a name as he stated "was a burden".

Adoption is a fundamental, life-altering event. Adoption is created through loss; without loss there would be no adoption. Adoptive parents, whether through infertility, failed pregnancy, stillbirth, or the death of a child have suffered one of life's greatest blows prior to adopting. They have lost their dream child. No matter how well resolved the loss of bearing a child appears to be, it continues to affect the adoptive family at a variety of points throughout time (Berman and Bufferd 1986). This fact is particularly evident during the adoptee's adolescence when the issues finding your place in society become impending.

First the adoptee loses their mother, then usually the foster mother that cares for them until they are legally free. While the adopted person may not remember these losses it is hardwired into their brain. Primate infants taken from their mothers and given to another primate mother still have high levels of cortisol in the brain. The privated monkeys suffered serious emotional deprivation resulting in delinquent and anti-social behavior. The multiple, ongoing losses in adoption, coupled with feelings of rejection, shame, and grief as well as an incomplete sense of self, may impede the development of self worth for adoptees.

Religion plays a major role in adoption. Premarital sex is a sin and this feeds into the stigma and shame of being adopted. Caius rejected the Christian religion in which he was brought up. The majority of adopted people describe themselves as "spiritual" , but reject the dogma of religion along with the belief that the circumstances surrounding their adoption were "God's plan"

The stigma that adoptive families are not as valid as biological families, that adoption is a “second-rate” route to parenthood and that adopted children are “damaged” and are at risk for mental health problems also adds to the self esteem of the adopted person. 

Every decision we make is our own. Why we choose the options we do are an accumulation of our feelings, experiences and influence of those around us. Morality does not come from religion. You don't need the ten commandments or other ancient text to know that killing someone is wrong. For some it comes down to a case of genetic code. It just seems that people, whether religious or not, are somewhat coded by genetics to act in certain ways. Some are naturally more rational and orderly than others...inside and outside of religious orders. When away from their own genetic herd who have learned to correct their flaws to adjust to society, adopted people are always at a disadvantage.



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